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Keeping the sparkle not only in the diamond engage
September 3, 2007
Keeping the sparkle not only in the diamond engagement
wedding rings: How do we keep love alive in a Relationship
or Marriage?
What are the five love languages?
According to Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love
Languages There are five basic language that people use to
interprete love emotion. These five love languages are
namely; Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Recieving
Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. They can take
the form of many different dialects. For you to communicate
love emotion to your partner effectively you must endeavor
to find your partner's love language and use it. The more
you speak your partners love Language the more your
relationship will continue to shine like a diamond
engagement wedding ring.
After 17 years in marriage my relationship with my wife was
hitting rock bottom. Our marriage was almost at the
breaking point. I did not realize earlier that my love
languages were completely diffrerent from my wife. I had
tried to communicate with her but failed miserably to reach
her because of the mis-match in communication. I searched
for answers and asked myself what am I doing wrong? Is it
beacause I never bought her a celebrity engagement ring?
but she loves and wears her genuine diamond engagement
ring.
I could not find any reasonable answers for the downward
trend. I was doing my best but still was failing. My wife
was very unhappy. At first I thought she was being very
unreasonable and that she ought to thank God for having a
good husband like me. I believed then that I was providing
everything for her. I had failed to see that her emotional
needs were not being met.
It was after I read Gary Chapman's book that I discovered
that my two top love langauges were acts of service and
gifts, whereas her top languages words of affirmation and
physical touch had been neglected.
Love language part 1: Words of Affirmation
Compliments
Words of affirmation can be used to express love
emotionally When was the last time you complimented your
partner? Wow! You look nice in that dress. I really
appreciate you taking time to clean up the bathroom? Thanks
that was a delicious dinner. You should make it a habbit
to give compliments for anything your partner does that is
good.
Encouraging Words
Speaking encouraging words to your partner is another
dialect of love language of Words of Affirmation. Dr.
Chapman explains that "encourage" means "to inspire
courage" By saying encouraging words to partner you are
inspiring that person to wake up their dormant potential
and in some cases help them dispell insecurity that might
have been holding them back. When you give encouragement
you are helping your partner move up to the next level.
This you can do by showing empathy and looking from your
partner's perspective. your message should reflect that you
care, you support and and you want to help.
Kindness
Love is gentle, love is kind and love does no wrong. When
you communicate with your partner, it is important that you
are mindful of your tone of voice, your manner in which you
say your message. You should seek to understanding
especially when you are seeking reconciliation. Admit you
are wrong and ask for forgiveness and make sure you show
consideration by acting diffrently in future. Bitterness,
resentment and revenge should have no place in your
relationship with your partner. An example may well be "I
choose to forgive you, you are not a failure because you
fail to pay the traffic ticket before the deadline, you are
my partner and together we will work this out and move on.
Humble words
Love does not make demands. When you make demands you are
acting like a tyrant. You can make requests but recognize
and affirm your partners abilities. Honey I enjoyed the
bread pudding you made for my birthday dinner, If you can
find the time to make some for our lunch that we are
planning next week I will appreciate it very much.
According to Psycologist William James "the deepest human
need is the need to to feel appreciated". Make your partner
feel loved and appreciated. if words of affrmation is not
your primary language but you have found that this is one
of your partner's you have to work on developing this love
langauge. Start to compile words that you can use to
express love, encourage, motivate your partner in their
areas of interest or affirm your partners strength.
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com
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